How to know if someone likes you online

A friend of mine was ghosted by a guy who apparently confessed that he likes her. As frustrated as she was, she then asked me, “As a guy, would you ghost a girl that you like?“. Short answer, OF COURSE NOT! NEVER!

But then again, I didn’t have the full context of their relationship and exchanges. Maybe the ghosting happened unintentionally, for example, the guy was busy doing something else and forgot to reply her DMs, or maybe he‘s thinking of better replies to make sure the conversation kept flowing. Or he’s really just not interested in her anymore, there’s somebody else more worth pursuing.

It’s definitely easier for me to read another guy’s intention just because we have similar tendencies when approaching girls who we’re attracted to. But still, you can’t be certain because every person has their own uniqueness based on their personality, moral stance, and how they’re raised. But this got me thinking, “Is it really that hard to read if a guy is interested in you?”.

You get what you see!

Photo by Michael Dziedzic on Unsplash

I always thought it is as easy to read a guy’s romantic intention as the first three rows of an eye test chart. It’s always a firm call, “E!, F!, P!”. Compared to girls, it’s like you’re trying to read a hidden word from those optical illusion quizzes, “There’s nothing there. Oh, wait, I saw a D! Is that an O next to it? Ah, it’s “DOG!”, No, it can’t be that easy, now it looks like “DOT”, or maybe “POT”? I give up!”.
Within our social norms where guys are expected to “make the first move” — which I think is bullsh*t and girls should be very open to express their interest as well, it’s quite easy to notice if a guy is trying to get close to you. It’s either we are romantically interested in you, treat you simply as our good friends, or we don’t give a damn about you.

If we’re interested, we’ll be aggressively chasing you, we’ll flirt, we’ll ask you out. There’s only one thing in our mind, we want to make you ours! — Metaphorically, not in a disturbing way. If we’re not, then we don’t even put any effort in trying to act or look good in front of you! Don’t complicate it, we’re not as complex and multi-layered as you might think we are.

Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free

But things are trickier now because DMs and video calls might be the only way to get intimate due to the pandemic. Even though I believe meeting offline is the only absolute way to be sure if somebody really likes you, it’s possible to read their intention online. As a rule of thumb, any behaviors that show we’re willingly allocate our time for you are certainly positive signs!

“Sorry to break this to you, but you’re nothing to him!”

Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash

1. He doesn’t reply or just leaves you on “Read”.

If you keep seeing the double blue check mark, the daunting “Seen”, or we just never reply you no more, that’s it! That’s the sign! If we’re sincerely interested in you, we’ll always be the one ending the conversation to a point where you are the one leaving us on “Read”!

You can also see subtle signs on whether we’ll ghost you. Conversations will naturally branch out to several topics and we won’t reply to all those points even if they’re questions directed to us. We’re not paying full attention and we just want it to be over soon. If somehow you still don’t get the hint, we’ll either leave you with a “LOL”, meaningless emojis, or double tap (likes) on your comments.

2. He’s not interested in what’s going on with you.

We rarely probe into your statements. When you mentioned that you’re badly injured recently, we will reply with, “oh, what happened?” and nothing else. There’s no, “have you recovered?”, “how does it affect your work?”, or “are you not allowed to do or eat certain things?”. There’s no further questions because we just don’t care that much!

Another sign is we don’t share anything about ourselves because we don’t want to let ‘strangers’ know anything about our personal lives. Why bother, we won’t be interacting that much anyway. If we’re interested in you, we’ll naturally share about ourselves. We want to find the chemistry and eventually that ‘click’ between us.

3. He treats other girls like how he treats you.

Either if it’s flirty or ignorant, if we treat you similarly to the other girls then it’s clear you’re not special. Guys might have the same late night conversations, give sweet nicknames, or actively share pictures with other girls as well. And if you ever catch us complimenting other girls in a flirty way when you’re around, that’s the nail to the coffin.

When we’re interested with you, we don’t want to appear interested with other girls, we don’t want to send the wrong message. We want you to know that we only have our eyes on you. If we act differently in a group chat compared to our private DMs, such as being more curious about you and show that we care, then girl, WE. WANT. YOU!

4. He never offers any help, or even try to get in touch with you.

Why would we waste our valuable time to help somebody who we’re not interested in? We’d rather use it to watch YouTube, sleep, or just not be bothered. If we voluntarily offer to help you in more than one occasions, it’s a sign that we’re interested in you. We want to be seen as reliable, caring, and will always be there for you.

On top of that, if we’re taking initiative to get in touch with you, either through text or call, it shows that we’re thinking about you. We want to talk to you more, know what’s going on with you, and eventually ask you out for brunch, a hike, or just an evening walk together. We constantly crave for your company and want to know if we’re a step closer to winning your heart.

5. He doesn’t even bother trying to impress you.

We will always try to get your attention, either through subtle or a very loud approach. We’ll do things just to get that “Woah!” reactions so you would see us as the most interesting person compared to your other guy friends. If we are excited to show off something to you, either our hobbies or something that happened that day, it’s probably a good sign!

We feel more comfortable with people who can make us laugh. Positive feelings will create positive impressions. If we can’t stop making jokes, being funny, or playfully teasing you, we’re probably trying to get your attention. We will also laugh more to your antics as well because everything you do or say just look more interesting to us!

Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free

6. He doesn’t remember most things about you.

We’ll remember small details about you, such as your go-to drink at Starbucks, your feud with that one classmate in college, or the fact that you’ve had four different pets which are all different species along with each of their names. We make the conscious effort to remember, sometimes even taking small notes — yes we’ll go to such extent. We’re interested to learn about you.

The same applies if we notice small changes in your appearance, especially those insignificant part of your looks or outfit that most people won’t notice. We’re so mesmerised by you that we look at every bits of details about you. We take up space in our mind just for these information that isn’t significant to our lives. We prioritise you!

Eventually, we’ll ask you questions to see whether you’re available — either you’re in a serious relationship or if you have a crush on somebody else. This will help us decide if we should make the move, whether it’s the right time to share our feelings with you.

Guessing if somebody likes you is difficult just through chats, because the emotion within the message isn’t well conveyed. Just put yourself in their shoes. How would you react towards the person that you’re not interested in. If he’s acting the same way, then it’s probably safe to say that he’s just not that into you.

What does online flirting look like?

How to tell if a guy is interested in you or just being friendly online?

How do you know if someone likes you in chat?

How do you know if someone secretly likes you?