Married to a non believer bible verse

I think you're asking the wrong question here. The real question should be, "Why would you want to marry a non-Christian?"

God's vision for marriage is that of a place where a "culture of two" is created. Marriage is about sharing our lives, and about the "oneness" that emerges from that shared culture. Marriage becomes the central situation in which we grow to become what God intends us to be, the context in which we also lovingly raise our children to know him.

A great marriage becomes a place of shelter, hope, and strength during difficult times, and a place of deep joy and thankfulness to God for all the goodness we experience. In my marriage, our shared belief in God provides a bedrock for the shared values that define our relationship and our family.

In light of God's vision for marriage, the question, "Is it a sin to marry a non-Christian?" reflects a willingness to settle. Marrying a non-Christian may, in the short run, bring satisfaction. But over time it's most likely to become a source of pain, given that your marriage can't be centered on Christ.

I know many women who now deeply regret their decision to marry a non-Christian. Most still love their husband, but they miss so much of what God intended their marriage to be. And if children are involved, the complications and heartaches in these marriages are even greater. One girlfriend's husband has asked her not to read Bible stories to their kids, or to pray with them. Any time she mentions God, he counters that God is a fantasy. Such comments from a father have a powerful impact on his children.

In his terrific book, Finding the Love of Your Life, Neil Clark Warren writes that each thing we have in common with our spouse adds tremendous value to our marriage. A shared faith in God through Jesus Christ should be at the top of our short "non-negotiable" list of what we're looking for in a potential spouse. That's not a guarantee of a great marriage, but it's a smart place to start.

In answer to your question, yes, I do think it's a sin to marry a non-Christian. In 2 Corinthians 6:14, the apostle Paul says, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers." Eugene Peterson, author of a paraphrase of the Bible titled The Message, puts that same verse this way, "Don't become partners with those who reject God." Marriage is certainly a partnership, and when God says "don't" and we do, that's a sin.

But I also think the sin of marrying a non-Christian differs from a sin such as anger, which is something I might engage in daily. My guilt with that sin is ongoing. Once you've married someone who isn't a believer, I don't think God tallies that sin for every day of your marriage.

Knowing this, some women might be tempted to say, "OK, I get that this is a sin, but I really love this guy … and I'm not getting any younger … so maybe I'll just marry him, and then by the next day, it won't be a sin anymore." But remember, God's command not to be "unequally yoked" is there for your own good. God will certainly forgive you, and he can certainly redeem even the most broken of marriages, but you'll still have to live with the consequences of your decision.

Ultimately, choosing to wait is really a matter of faith. Of not settling. Of trusting God to sustain you, husband or no husband. And of sharing God's vision for marriage.

Nancy Ortberg is a church leadership consultant and popular speaker. Formerly a teaching pastor at Willow Creek Community Church in South Barrington, IL, she now lives in California with her husband, John. The couple has three children, Laura, Mallory, and John.

My spouse is an unbeliever, and I often struggle over our differences. I remain committed to our marriage hoping the Lord will bring my spouse to faith one day. In the meantime, what does the Bible say about how I should approach my marriage? How do I live out my faith while honoring my marriage?

Living with an unbelieving spouse is a challenge. Often it means a marriage with different goals, driven by your faith and your spouse's ignorance of biblical truth. These challenges can be very difficult and cause significant stress in a marriage (in addition to the "normal" stresses every marriage encounters). Nevertheless, the believer is called to live in union with their spouse despite these differences, and the Bible offers copious advice to the believer for how to approach the situation. 

First, Paul addresses this very topic in 1Corinthians. The church in Corinth asked him how to handle marriages between believers and unbelievers, and in his response, Paul emphasizes the importance of remaining committed to an unbelieving spouse and the necessity of living in peace:

1 Corinthians 7: 12 -16 - To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
 

By no means is this a simple task. Rather, living with an unbelieving spouse requires complete dependence on the Lord and His wisdom. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you face the daily challenge of living with a mate who doesn’t share your deepest spiritual commitments: 


1. Commit yourself to praying for God’s word to penetrate your spouse's heart and that God will use you as an instrument in your spouse's understanding of God.

Philippians 4:6-7- Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

2. Be patient and show grace to your spouse.

Colossians 4:5-6 - Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. 6 Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

3. Be the hands and feet of Christ in your marriage. Commit yourself to serving your spouse out of love and respect.

Eph. 2:10 - For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Galatians 5:13 - You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.
 

Philippians 4:8-9 - Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
 

1 Peter 3: 1-6 - Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
 

4. Check your heart and motives toward your spouse.

Second to God, are you putting your spouse and marriage first? Is your relationship with Christ making you a more enjoyable person to live with – or just a more religious one? These are important questions because our eagerness to study the Bible, serve the Lord and minister to others can come at the expense of someone else. This does not mean we are to stop seeking God’s truth. But, we are called be aware and sensitive to the needs of others, especially our spouse.

Phil. 2:3-4 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
 

Are you showing gentleness and respect to your spouse?

1 Peter 3:15-17 But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, 16 keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. 17 For it is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil.
 

5. Remember that God is the one who is at work in you and in your spouse.

Phil. 2:13 for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.
 

6. Refrain from being judgmental of your spouse's reasons for questioning the Bible or your relationship with God.

Matthew 7:1 says we are not to judge others. Matthew is not talking about judging which actions are righteous and unrighteous, but rather the heart of people’s actions. Instead of judging, try to understand what it is that holds your spouse back and then pray for God to remove those barriers.

Pray for God to take your spouse on a spiritual journey that you are very much a part of. As we just read in 1Corinthians 7, how are we to know if we will save our spouse? God tells us to find a way to live in peace for His glory.

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