What does the bible say about touching before marriage

The Bible teaches us that God Himself designed sex and sexual intimacy including intercourse for man’s blessing and enjoyment in addition to procreation. But the Bible is equally firm in teaching that this is to be confined to marriage where two people are committed to each other.

In the general context of Scripture, such intimate acts outside of marriage are wrong because it can excite both partners so that it breaks down their defenses. Scripture does not need to say, ‘thou shalt not kiss or engage in heavy petting unless married’ in order for it to be contrary to God’s will and wisdom. But in this case, there are plenty of passages that clearly apply. For instance, we are warned against flirting with temptation. The biblical and godly response for those who care about the other person and about God’s will and desire to please Him is to flee temptation. This is a command in Scripture. Compare the following:

Now flee from youthful lusts, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart (2 Tim. 2:22).

Contrary to the claims of our president about sex, kissing and heavy petting is sexual and a part of the sexual relationship of intimacy called foreplay. In discussing the beauty of sexual intimacy and how it can be a magnet that protects us from adultery, the writer of Proverbs had the following to say … and note in this he is talking about one’s wife:

Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19 As a loving hind and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love. 20 For why should you, my son, be exhilarated with an adulteress, And embrace the bosom of a foreigner? (Prov. 5:18-20).

But then note what follows:

For the ways of a man are before the eyes of the Lord, And He watches all his paths. 22 His own iniquities will capture the wicked, And he will be held with the cords of his sin (Prov. 5:21-22).

Yes, heavy petting is sin apart from the marriage bond. We may try to rationalize and explain away the need for moral purity and avoiding temptation, but God not only sees all we do and think, but He declares that such foolish behavior has destructive and dominating consequences. This type of personal intimacy is self-centered outside of marriage. It uses others for selfish and exploitative purposes, and not only can it get out of hand, but can become explosive. Heavy petting is a part of foreplay and is designed to arouse sexual desire in preparation for intercourse—something that is to be saved for marriage.

God says, “flee temptation,” but this is flirting with temptation. And Christ tells us that if a man even looks on a woman with a view to fornication, it is the same as committing the act. Such behavior outside of marriage shows that a one’s primary focus is sexual and selfish rather than a spiritual/soul relationship in which you get to know the other person and are concerned about what is best for them.

We can know how God feels about this subject because He has clearly spoken of the dangers and evils of sex outside of marriage in any form. Listen to what Scripture says in 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8.

4:1 Finally then, brethren, we request and exhort you in the Lord Jesus, that, as you received from us instruction as to how you ought to walk and please God (just as you actually do walk), that you may excel still more. 2 For you know what commandments we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. 3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, 5 not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6 and that no man transgress and defraud his brother in the matter because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, just as we also told you before and solemnly warned you. 7 For God has not called us for the purpose of impurity, but in sanctification. 8 Consequently, he who rejects this is not rejecting man but the God who gives His Holy Spirit to you.

For a detailed study on this passage see An Exegetical and Devotional Commentary on 1 Thessalonians on our web site. Also there are a number of books on the market that deal with a Christian perspective of dating and building relationships that would be helpful if you are sincere in desiring to please the Lord in this area. One such book is Why Wait?: What You Need to Know About the Teen Sexual Crisis, by Josh McDowell.

October 9, 2017

No sex before marriage-When asked what the Bible has to say about sex, most people will have this response. However, when asked to provide exactly where this rule is listed in the Bible, the answer from many Christians is much less confident. My belief that premarital sex is sinful has been shattered.

So what is the truth about having sex outside of marriage?

The truth is that we are having the wrong conversation over and over again. In an attempt to justify what is believed to be common knowledge, we are pulling at any verse that has an inkling of resemblance to premarital sex. We are using these verses, devoid of their context and circumstance, in order to justify a belief that does not have much merit.

Many source the Ten Commandments as a call to wait until we are married to have sex. In particular, the seventh of these commandments.

“Thou shalt not commit adultery.”

The problem here is that adultery and premarital sex are being equated, when in reality, they are two distinctly different things.

“Adultery really is about violation of relationship or violation of contract. It’s about not keeping your promise,” Dr. Colleen Windham-Hughes, a professor of religion at California Lutheran University, said.

An important part about reading the Bible is understanding those circumstances under which it was written and how it can be applied to today’s society. What is written about sex before marriage in the Bible comes predominantly from the book of 1 Corinthians, written by Paul.

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 says “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body’s a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

This verse can be interpreted to mean that God is in control of our bodies. While it is undeniable that glorifying God through celibacy or through your body is a way to honor God, this verse is also getting at the submissive role of women at this time in the world.

“Women were, for the most part, not allowed to have their own personhood or property once they were married. They were attached to somebody,” Windham-Hughes said.

Additionally, the context of 1 Corinthians is important here. 1 Corinthians 7:1-2  says, “Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.”

Paul realizes that celibacy is a great feat for the Corinthians, so he says that each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband when it comes to sexual relations. He says this because he knows a cure to widespread sexual exploitation is necessary for the Corinthians. Paul is not saying this to everybody in the world.

“…You can have sex in ways that are fulfilling, fun, good and generous, or you can have sex in ways that are harmful, bad and dangerous. Marriage is not, and has never been, a way to protect against the harmful, bad and dangerous potential of sex,” Jill Filipovic of The Guardian said.

We are having the wrong conversation.  Marriage, in its traditional sense, is not the only covenant we are making with each other. Instead of asking ourselves, “Is it immoral to have sex before marriage?” we should be tailoring the question to fit our unique needs, which depend upon our individual circumstances and commitment to another person. Sex before marriage is not a sinful act.

Natalie Elliott
Reporter

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