How to leave a toxic relationship when you have no money

Without income or financial support, you may feel hopeless, stuck and even trapped in an unhappy marriage. These ideas for leaving a husband when you have no money might help.

In the comments section below, many women shared their tips for making money to leave their husbands. Other readers just complained that these ideas aren’t good enough. Are you the type of woman who gives up because the options aren’t easy or fast, or the type of woman who is willing to explore different ideas because she knows that leaving a marriage is never easy – no matter how much money she has?

“I want to leave my husband but I have no money,” says Christine on Emotional Disconnection – When You Feel Alone in Your Marriage “I have two kids, I’m pregnant with my third, and I just don’t know where to go. I have no family who can help, they live in a different state. I have nowhere to go. I lost my job, and I am trying to finish school. I don’t have money to leave. I don’t know what to do. I am so hurt, scared, sad, angry and just alone now. I have three beautiful kids with him and I hate to think how much this will hurt them. I can’t believe I was a fool and let him do this to me time after time. Can you tell me how to leave your husband when you have no money to support yourself?”

Remember how long it took to plan your wedding, or get pregnant, or even meet your husband? Planning to separate from your husband – especially when you don’t have money – should take just as long! Why? Because this is a huge life change that requires time, thought, and wisdom.

Some women brainstorm ideas on how to find your dream job, while other women notice how others create their own money-making jobs. There are no easy answers – but there is a right path for you. It may take time to find it. It’ll require faith, courage, and perseverance. But if you want to, you can find the financial resources you need to leave your marriage.

First, here are ten ways different readers earned money to leave their marriages. Then, eight more ideas to help you move forward.

10 Quick Ways to Earn Money and Leave Your Husband

1. Bought gift cards for future purchases when grocery shopping on my husband’s credit card. Those $5 gift cards add up.
2. Became a virtual assistant (was an office manager before I got married, and learned how to work remotely).
3. Asked my kids’ teacher if she needed an assistant or help around the classroom. Don’t know how she found the money, and it wasn’t alot, but after 3 months I had enough for a deposit on an apartment.
4. Collected cans and turned them in for cash.
5. Asked neighbors if they have any odd jobs – cleaning homes, washing windows, weeding gardens, etc.
6. Took online surveys to make a few extra bucks a day.
7. Sold household items on ebay. Only made a few dollars, but even the small steps led to bigger rewards. Also sold the kids’ outgrown clothes and tech items. You would be amazed at what sells!
8. Used coupons to get free toiletries, goods, etc — then stored them at a friends. I have a box of shampoo, toothpaste, soap, TP, etc ready to go. This will help me when I am starting out and don’t want to spend money.
9. Started a GoFundMe. Also found an online group that offered small donations to women in abusive marriages.
10. Learned how to live on less than $1,500 a month. Now I earn $3,000 a month and am saving $500 a month for a better place.

8 Ideas for Leaving Your Husband When You Have No Money

Every journey starts with a few small steps – and sometimes the best step is visualizing what you’ll say when you finally do have money to leave your husband. Start dreaming about your life, planning your future, and thinking about all the possibilities.

Start finding little ways to take control of your life. Maybe this means exploring different ways to earn a little bit of spending money, even by babysitting, cleaning houses, or becoming a virtual assistant. Inventory your skills and abilities, and find ways to optimize them.

1. Remember that help is out there, but it has to be sought

Many financially dependent wives say they have no help, nobody to support them, nobody to go stay with. They may feel that way, but it’s not the truth. How do I know? Because if my neighbor came over and said she has no money to leave her husband and asked me for help, I’d do something. I may not give her money, but I’d help her and her kids in some way.

If you have nowhere to go, read What to Expect at a Women’s Shelter or Safe House.

I also know that wives who feel alone aren’t really alone because my mom was a single parent. She was also schizophrenic, and we moved to new city every six months or so. She had no friends, no money, and a severe mental illness…and yet she managed to find money help! How did she find it? She went to Social Services, to churches, and to my grandma for help. Don’t think of yourself as “trapped” – though I know that if you’re looking for ways to get money to leave your husband, that’s exactly how you feel. Focus on the fact that you WILL get money to leave your husband. It’s just a matter of time and planning. And taking action.

2. Create a plan to leave your marriage. It’ll make asking for financial help easier

Sit down, give the “poor me I have no money to leave my husband” a rest, and put your brains to work. How much money does it cost to feed and educate your kids? Forget about the frills – kids don’t need iPhones, laptops, or video games. Can you stay with family while you save money for your own place? How will you support yourself?

If you have specific plans to leave, you may find it easier to ask for financial help. If you’re asking family for money help, read about loans between family members.

3. Learn what types of financial support you’re eligible for

Talk to Social Services about financial resources for single parents. Start by calling the office closest to you. If they can’t offer money or other help, ask them for three other numbers to call. Call your church, and talk to your pastor. Don’t just ask for financial and spiritual support; ask for practical resources that can help you leave. Ask to be connected with other women who were financially dependent, who rebuilt their lives.

Every three months, canvassers from the Single Parents Food Bank come to our door, asking for donations. My husband gives money every single time because he knows single parents need money help because raising kids is expensive. But it’s not impossible, my friend.

4. Talk to Legal Aid. Learn about child and spousal support

Here’s a solid piece of advice for leaving your husband when you have no money:

“The demise of a marriage is never a happy event, but sacrificing your sanity to a narcissist is not a healthy option,” writes Hara Estroff Marano in Letting Go of a Narcissist (Psychology Today magazine, July/Aug 2016). ” Your husband isn’t looking out for you or your relationship, and such active disregard can go a long way to making you vulnerable to depression and despair. It is especially important now to pay attention to your own needs and take action on your own behalf.”

Dr Marano advises women who don’t have money to leave their husbands to prepare and plan in advance. Don’t move out of the house without consulting a lawyer first – unless you are in physical danger. Talking to a lawyer or family mediator doesn’t necessarily mean hiring a divorce attorney long-term, just seeing one for advice. This will save you money in the long run.

“Alternatively,” she adds, “it may be possible for you to get help through the civil or family law clinic of a nearby law school. You may very well be entitled to alimony, at least until you are financially self-supporting. Also, make note of your husband’s private accounts; all assets acquired during the marriage must usually be divided equally. And do make a record of all instances of abuse.

Will you lose everything when you leave your husband? Maybe. Maybe not. But what is the alternative? Remember what you’re walking away from. You may not have money, but you’re getting out of an unhappy life.

5. Open your own savings or checking account

Many financially dependent women don’t have their own checking or savings accounts. No problem! Even if you only have $10 to your name, you need to get to the bank and start your journey to financial dependence…and perhaps even wealth! And yes, single income families often live close to the poverty line. I grew up poorer than dirt – we even slept outside a few times. But I grew up to be a strong, vibrant, smart, educated, motivated, happy, Christian woman. I learned resilience and strength from my single parent childhood – and I respect my mom, who had no money and nowhere to go, but she left her husband.

Do you have a checking or savings account? Go to your nearest bank – or do some online research about financial institutions – and find out what you need to open your own account.

6. Take it one small step at a time

It’s easy to get overwhelmed, anxious, scared, and depressed about the journey you’re about to go on. Don’t let negativity or fear stop you from leaving your husband! Stay focused on what you will achieve in your life, and how much better it will be for your kids and yourself. Write down your goals for a year from now: how much money do you want to be making? What friends do you want to spend time with? How do you want to spend your days? Remember that it takes time to save enough money to leave your husband.

Start a journal, and write down all your hopes, dreams, and plans. Don’t let your current situation stop you from dreaming. Your thoughts really do determine your future – and it is now time to starting Blossoming into the woman you were created to be.

7. Separate your emotions from your finances

When you’re searching for tips on how to leave your marriage without money, learn the pros and cons of keeping your marital home. Is selling the house a better financial idea? Your home is precious, maybe even more valuable than money. But it’s important to make a smart decision. Don’t let your emotions be your boss when you’re planning your future. Learn about options such as reverse mortgages and how they might work in your favor.

Talk to a financial advisor. Learn how to use your retirement and investment accounts wisely. Find other sources of income to add to your cash-flow and extend your financial longevity. You have to learn which assets are most favorable and what strategies are best for managing (and ultimately paying off) liabilities. This is part of taking action, and it will help you feel more in control of your life.

If you can’t talk to a money advisor, read Untying the Knot: Protecting Your Emotional and Financial Health During Divorce.

In this book divorce specialist Kelly LaVallie untangle your finances with a clear head and calm heart. learn how to focus on the business of divorce, create an interim plan to secure your financial health during your divorce, do your financial homework so you can negotiate your settlement wisely, and get the support you need to navigate your divorce with confidence.

8. Get strength from women who feel financially trapped – and left their husbands

“I was in that situation for 23 years,” says Sheila in response to How to Know if Divorce is the Best Option. “I finally opened up my own checking account, started saving a bit at a time, and made plans. When I finally made up my mind to leave, it took less than a month to finalize the plans. I gave myself a deadline and stuck to it. When you stay in a marriage like that, you enable every negative behavior your husband possesses. You become the martyr.”

It wasn’t until she made up her mind that her plans started taking shape. She stopped wondering how to leave her husband without money, and started actually making plans to end her marriage.

How will you leave your husband when you have no money? This isn’t the end of your story…it’s only the beginning.

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